my own little piece of the internet...

So, just before I went on my trip, I checked the sponsorship processing times with Immigration Canada. It was about 28 days. Not too shabby. When I called while in Finland with a question, I was told that the sponsorship processing time would be 42 days. What? It hadn't even been two weeks since I last called and checked! Why the jump in time?!?

Well...I think I found out why. A group of 24 co-workers from Immigration Canada won a 24mil jackpot.

You asked for them, so here they are! :)

( Pictures under the cut... )

First off, no, I still don’t have pictures from the wedding. And yes, I’m getting more than a bit pissed about it. I know everyone wants to see them…and guess what? So do I. I’m a bit grrr about that right now.

On Monday, Ari and I were invited to Ari’s grandparent’s cottage. Very nice and I’m sure I would have loved it if it wasn’t prime mosquito weather. It was cool, damp, we had some rain the night before, and it was still cloudy out. The fucking things were out in swarms. It was impossible to walk 3 steps without getting bitten many times. Ari and I stayed inside most of the day. We did roast some sausages on an open fire. I was unable to find actual marshmallows though, so no roasting of balls of sugar that day. Ari and I will have to do that when we get back to Canada.

Tuesday, Ari and I took the giant immigration package of DOOOOOOOM and finished it. I learned that standard paper size in Finland is not 8.5 x 11 as it is back home. In Finland (and apparently the ENTIRE WORLD except the US and Canada) it is 8.3 × 11.7. I’m sure you can see how this would make the immigration package look. All of my pages are one size and all of Ari’s pages are another size.

Incase you were wondering what I did for the pictures required for the immigration package. Ari’s sister did send over 5 pictures of the wedding, and I managed to pull some very VERY crappy photos of the reception from some videos Ari’s grandparents gave us (to burn onto a DVD for them). Luckily we saw them Monday, or we wouldn’t have been able to send the package. Oi.

So yes, the package is sent. I’m still nervous and think we’ve forgotten something! Ack. I guess all we can do now is wait. I decided to pay the extra money to send it by courier. It should get there by noon tomorrow. Then it’ll take about 45 days to process it (b/c they are slackers…it was only 22 days like 2 months ago!).

Yesterday and today, Ari has been going through his CD collection. My man likes music. He has a great deal of CDs. I would say around 200 or so…I think. I’m sure he has more hidden some place. To say he can’t bring them along is an understatement. So he’s in the process of copying them to his computer. Not all of them (thank God), only the ones he really likes. Mind you, he has about 50 CDs in the TODO pile right now. This is going to take a while.

As for me, I have been looking at updating my resume. It is time. I think it’s looking good now. On a side note, looking at the user submitted resume templates to the Word community makes me realize that many people are pants on head retarded. Colour, images, watermarks, word art and paragraph format do not get you jobs. There was this one template called ‘Resume of Awesome’, and as a watermark written on an angle across the whole page was the word AWESOME with a word art 3D effect to it. In colour too. As well as some firework images. WTF?

Ari and I went for a walk into town today. I took another crap-load of pictures. Joensuu is a really pretty city. I’ll be putting those up at some point. Probably tomorrow while Ari is copying CDs :P

And last but not least; of the bouquet of roses that were put in a vodka bottle, only two remain. All the rest drooped and browned. I shall have to take an after picture of them to post as well.

That is all for now. :)

Well then. Friday morning I woke up as a single woman, fiancéd yes…but single none the less. Friday evening I went to bed a married woman. I’m someone’s wife. And not just any someone…oh no. :) To my loving man, Ari.

Thursday night, I ran around ironing clothing and getting things ready for the morning. I brought two shirts and a pair of pants for Ari. The pants fit nicely, but my dear man has lost weight since last I bought clothing for him, so the shirts didn’t fit at all. I had a mini panic attack about that. We did find a top in his closet that worked (something I bought him for Christmas and he has never worn), but I was a bit upset that it wasn’t formal enough. I ironed it and one of the other tops just in case.

I then had a complete nervous breakdown b/c I couldn’t find the necklace that elvish_kitty bought me. Ari found it in a bag in my luggage but the tears were flowing by then and didn’t stop for a good hour or so. He was really kind and let me cry as he hugged me, and he kept saying that it was going to be a fun day…not to worry.

The next day we awoke to beautiful weather. My mom called us in the morning to give us her well wishes. The zipper on my dress was more than a little annoying. It took Ari and I about 20min to get it up b/c it kept getting caught on the ribbon. Ari did end up wearing the alternative one, and once I saw it on ironed, it looked a lot better than the previous night and I felt a lot better.

Ari’s brother, sister and mother picked us up at 9:30am, and we set off to the ministry where the wedding would be held. Ari’s mom and sister had picked some wild flowers for me and had made me a nice bouquet. It smelled so nice, and was very colourful. I loved it.

The official doing the wedding was kind enough to realize that with a name like Chantelle Izzard, I probably didn’t speak Finnish and we did the ceremony in English. The ceremony itself was all of 3min long. We didn’t have rings. I didn’t change my name. He spoke about how marriage is about the family and being a family. Then there was the traditional ‘do you take this man/woman to be your husband/wife’ bit. Two ‘I do’s and a kiss later, and we were married.

We did some more pictures, then went off to Ari’s older sister’s house. Ari’s grandmother had baked a lovely vanilla-strawberry-banana cake with whipped cream as our wedding cake. There were also many other lovely food items. They have this sandwich cake thing here. It looks like a cake, but it’s actually a big tuna sandwich with cucumbers and tomatoes as decoration. It was rather good :)

We then did a few Finnish traditions. Ari got kidnapped and I had to “rescue” him by answering questions about him. I got 4 out of 5 right. I was also shown some of his childhood photos and his family (my in-laws!) are going to make a scrapbook of Ari’s childhood and the wedding and send it to us when it’s done. I really can’t wait to see it :P

After I saved my husband from the evil villains that kidnapped him (two neighbourhood boys dressed up as cowboys :P), Ari and I were given some t-shirts and were told to write down good things about the day that we want the other to remember when we are having a fight. Practical people those Finns. It took us a while to do that…hehe.

Then it was off to the first dance. That was horrible. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t dance. I normally take pictures so that I can avoid this torturous activity. Well, my husband is actually worse at dancing than I am! I’m sure you can see how bad this was.

The day was pretty laid back. I eventually got out of my dress, and we all went for a walk down to the lake. Beautiful lake too. Big and the water is really clear. I wouldn’t have minded swimming, but I didn’t have a swimsuit.

After a long day, we came home and Ari and I took a nap, as we were both exhausted at that point. When we finally got out of bed, we ate some of the leftover food and Ari watched me play God of War for the rest of the evening.

So that was my wedding day. I thank everyone for your kind letters. Ari and I did read them all, and some of you felt the urge to try and make me cry…but I fought it! Hehe.

Before I got married, I honestly didn’t think it would change anything. Ari and I had already decided we were going to be together, what did it matter if we got a little piece of paper saying we are married? I was wrong. I don’t know how to put it really. Friday morning, I was single. Yes, I had decided I was going to be with Ari forever, and at the time that was binding for me. Now, I don’t know what it is, but it seems more permanent. It isn’t a decision any more. It’s a vow, an oath. A decision, you can change your mind, but an oath you need to break. If that makes any sense. I also can no longer understand a common law marriage, and I don’t think you realize how unbinding it is until you actually get married.

So ya, those are my feelings and recollection of the events of my big day…in my typical babbling style. I know you all want pictures, and I do too! The problem with being the bride is that you can’t be the photographer too. I’m waiting for Ari’s sister to send us the pictures. I’ll post them as soon as I have them!!! :)

Until then, peace out.

It was sudden and totally unexpected, but the world has lost the King of Pop. Whatever you may say about MJ, he did some amazing things in his life and every single one of us, no matter age, gender, race or nationality, has be affected by him and his music.

I hope he finds solance where ever he is now.

Ok, so I've uploaded just over 100 pictures to my Picasa account. No descriptions as of yet, but you're all welcome to look and enjoy. :)

Vacation 2009

Well, I guess I’ve been in Finland for almost a week now. I should perhaps post an update of my adventures.

insaint was kind enough to cat-sit Sophy for me. She was also kind enough to drop me off at the air port too. That cut off some major time off my trip. The TTC trip would have taken 2 buses and about 40min. Not overly fun. Anyway, after a quick look around and a quick check to make sure all power bars were off and such, we got the kitty in her carrier and headed off.

The lineup for Iceland Air wasn’t nearly as long as other lines I’ve been in. Took me all of 15min to check in. After some fun with security, I headed off to my gate. I was rather sad that the duty free shop didn’t have a replacement wallet for my nearly dead one. I grabbed some Timmies and waited at my gate for the plane, talking to my mom on the phone.

I have to say I was surprised when we actually started boarding at 8:50pm, when the ticket said we would start. I was also surprised when we actually left the airport at 9:20pm when the flight was scheduled to leave. This is the first flight I’ve ever had that has actually followed the times quoted. I was amazed.

I have to say, I love flying. I love take off and landing the most through. I love when we first lift off the ground, and as we climb into the air, getting closer to the clouds. I love watching the city below as it gets smaller and smaller. Toronto is actually rather pretty from above at night. All the city lights and car lights and such. I also like clearing the clouds as we get higher.

The flight to Iceland was rather uneventful. Each seat has its own TV in the back of the seat in front of it, which really does rock. They had Slumdog Millionaire playing, so I watched it. The seats for this airline are also fairly large, and I was lucky to have the seat next to me empty, which really did add to the comfort. All and all, a good flight.

I only have two complaints though. First, my itinerary said that I was to be served a meal, and I wasn’t. They did have a meal available, but you had to pay for it. On the 5.5 hour flight, I got only one cup of apple juice. I wasn’t too impressed by that. Thank goodness I packed some granola bars in my backpack. The issue I had was that when we landed in Iceland, instead of landing still in a secure zone, we were forced to go through security again. That was annoying. Especially when 3 planes had landed at about the same time. The lineup was ridiculous because they only had 2 security stations open. And when you have to do the whole nonsense of taking off your shoes, jacket, belt, and anything else it’s fricken slow and annoying.

At least I didn’t buy any alcohol in Toronto. Some poor sap had, and he wasn’t too impressed to have it confiscated. Which brings me to the next point; if you are going to force people to go through security again, have the common decency to TELL US. Don’t let us walk up a flight of stairs and get surprised by a security check.

Let’s see. Iceland is the weirdest country I’ve landed into yet. There is nothing but ocean when you come in. I was looking out the window as we were landing, keeping an eye on the flight stats that kept saying we were getting closer and closer to the ground….yet I saw no ground. Just water, getting dangerously close. Then, bam, landed, and there was an airport. There are no trees. There are no buildings. There are only random rock formations and fields of wild flowers around the runway. It was very strange.

After my trip through security, I started heading towards the food court as I was pretty hungry and I still had a half hour until my flight boarded. As I was walking along the hall way, I noticed that on my right it was raining….hard. But on my left it was dry and sunny. It was rather odd. But it did produce a full arch rainbow. That was very beautiful. I took some pictures but they didn’t turn out as well as I would have liked. I’ll post them on the weekend I figure.

After buying a quick breakfast and doing some random walking around the airport, I headed off to the gate. So weird how they do it there. Along a rather long hallway there are gate numbers. Each gate has a little desk and a door, as well as a seconded off area to line up. When it’s time to board, you line up and they take your ticket, and check your passport and let you on. As you board in the order you line up, you can imagine that this leads to some chaos when actually trying to get on the plane.

Surprisingly though, we were all boarded and ready to go ahead of schedule. The flight from Iceland to Finland is 3.5 hours, and we actually arrived 10min early. Once again, my itinerary said I’d get a meal, but didn’t. By the time I landed in Finland and got my luggage I couldn’t wait to see Ari. Something odd when picking up my luggage though; someone had checked a regular plastic shopping bag with some sausage in it. It was one of the first things off the plane. It was so odd.

Seeing Ari was nice. I’ve rather missed him and seeing him there when I came out was the best feeling ever.

And that is where I think I’ll stop. :)

Today is Juhannus here in Finland, and there are quite a few celebrations. It’s time for Ari and I to get ready and go out.

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

This time in 2 days I'll be officiallly on vacation.

It can't come soon enough...honestly. I need to get out of this place before I just blow up.

So let’s see. I haven’t posed in a while. Figured it’s time to get the standard update on my life.

On the health front, I got sick again. Not nearly as bad as the last time, mind you, but it did give me more than a little of a fright. I’ve been excessively tired all week, and I saw the doctor to get some tests run. Other than my white blood cell count being high, there was nothing found. Isn’t that awesome? I was told to rest a bit and try and relax. Thus, I haven’t been to the gym in over a week (again) and I’ve pretty much stalled in my weight loss. Not overly impressed, but health does come first.

The immigration documents are now DONE. They have been printed and the package is starting to come together. I still need all the supporting documents from Ari. And I need to find some cards and stuff that Ari has sent me. Other than that, the actual government forms are not complete.

Last Friday, when I got into work, Ari msged me right away to let me know that I didn’t actually have the right form to marry him. This created a very large sense of panic in me b/c it was 2 weeks until I left and there wasn’t time to get anything else. Turns out, there was a way to make my form the right form. Monday I went to the Finnish Consulate to get it notarized, and I was informed that I needed to have it authenticated first! Oi. So off I went to the government authentication office (about a 25min walk from the Finnish Consulate) and got a fancy sheet of paper saying that the original $30 document was indeed legit. Then I walked back and got another paper on top of that one saying that it was notarized by a Finnish official. All said and told, that morning cost me $90. $40 for the authentication and $50 for the notarization. Ouch.

I ordered my money last week. I now have 600euros for my spending pleasure. Well, technically only 350e, as 250e is going to pay for Ari’s medical exam. *sigh*

On the preparations for the trip, last weekend elvish_kitty was kind enough to join me on a day long shopping spree to get pretty much everything I’d need for my trip. I spent about $500 that day, but I got some new jeans, new tops, the dress, the shoes, what Ari’s going to wear, and various other things all needed to this trip. It was a fun day that was waaaay longer than I expected!

Movies! I saw 3 movies last week. I saw Angels and Demons and X-men: Wolverine during a theater hop with Rob, and I saw the new Star Trek movie with elvish_kitty on the weekend. I have to say that of the three, I liked Angels and Demons the best. It had a story, a plot you had to pay attention to follow, and a good twist at the end.

Star Trek was a close second, though it has pretty much confirmed that the Star Trek I was raised on and grew up loving is dead. They have created an entire new timeline to continue milking this particular cow, and though the movie was good, it was a two hour action sequence. There was no moral, no real reason for the movie other than to start the new franchise. Each episode of the original Star Trek tried to make you think, tried to push the envelope in terms of equal rights and acceptance. The Star Trek TNG tried to follow suit. Recent installments in the Star Trek universe has moved further from this trend.

That being said, the movie itself was great. I loved seeing more of the childhood of Spock. I loved the sharp wit and though the movie was log, it flowed nicely. I would defiantly recommend it to anyone to go watch. I guess this must be how people who fall in love with a comic book feel when they re-release it with the story changed and the characters re-invented. It’s still good…but it’s not the same.

Speaking of comic books that change story and re-invent the characters…X-men: Wolverine was disappointing at best. I didn’t actually download the unfinished movie. I wanted to see the movie without any preconception going on. I had read online the conspiracy theory that the studio leaked the version to try and boost sales. At the time I wouldn’t put it past them. Now, I feel that if they dead leak it on purpose, it wasn’t to boost sales, it was to hide imperfections. You see, there were many MANY times when I could see the green screen. There were also many shots where the CG wasn’t shaded in the same way as the real things in the shot. Or worse, when the CG wasn’t shaded AT ALL!

I spoke with someone who had downloaded the unfinished version and his response to these quips were “Well, you should have seen how it was before the CG. It’s really amazing what they did with it.” What, what? No, I’m sorry. Just because most of your viewing audience saw your movie without special effects doesn’t mean you get to cut corners. This movie had a huge budget, there is NO REASON why it shouldn’t have been polished when released. The story was meh. I’m still not 100% sure why Gambit was in the story. He had less screen time than the Blob for crying out loud! And the introduction of Gambit was one of the main selling points of this bloody movie! Just, gah. I don’t think I’ll be wasting time on the X-men movies from now on.

On the work front. The project is done. It goes live next week. The overlord was here this week, and the carrot was dangled in front of my face yet again about leading the team and helping design a new application when I get back. I’m not convinced it’ll ever happen though. We were to be given this project for the past 6 months, yet it’s never happened. We could have finished it by now, but no…shitty maintenance and integration projects have been passed our way instead. And even if I do come back to open arms and a shiny new project to run, I’m not going to. I’m not being team lead under THE manager again. She doesn’t think I know how to do my job. She does think I’m lazy and don’t listen. She does think I’m inexperienced and don’t understand how to run a project. I refuse to work as team lead when she’s willing to yell at me for very little thing. I’m sick and tired of her not reading my emails, only reading the subject and the first sentence then yelling at me for not doing it right. If she had of ACTUALLY READ IT she would have seen I did indeed do it right.

Ok, I think I’m done that rant.

The next week is going to be busy. I need to clean my apartment, and get all my shite together for my trip. Tomorrow I’m going back to Brantford to get my hair dyed and do a laaaarge amount of laundry. Also, I’m going to spend some quality time with my parents. They are still upset I’m going to get married in Finland. I told my mom 2 years ago we’d be doing it this way, and the closer we get to the trip, the more upset she gets. This still isn’t the real wedding for me. This is the marriage, not the wedding. If that makes any sense. I don’t know how else to explain it though.

Ok, three pages…that’s more than enough. If you stuck around this long, congrats.

I shall only say one more thing…

ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm filling out some documents for the immigration crap. They are way over complicated. The wording is very ambiguous. I have to keep calling the stupid help line to get answers to things.

The best example of their stupid over complication: Facsimile number. I had to actually look up the fucking definition. They are asking for a Fax number. WHY NOT JUST PUT FAX?!?!?!?!?!

No wonder lawyers are making a killing on people who can't fill these stupid documents in on their own.

I think I'm done for the day.

Bed.

- walked to the subway station and then from the subway to work b/c I was too sore/tired to do anything but walk
- finished off a page that was giving me some trouble yesterday
- started fighting with a new page
- got into not one, but two fights with THE manager, both about small trivial things that shouldn't be argued over...expeically not infront of the whole team.
- worked late to try and finsih said page...with no success
- came home to my freezer being open and everything in it thawed
- threw out pretty much all the thawed food as it was brown and bad at that point
- cleaned the bathroom
- did the dishes

I'm currently stressing out about losing my job. Why else would THE manager be pushing me to finish this project on such a short deadline? Why fight and belittle me for no reason, than if I was to be losing my job soon.

I'm so worried I feel I could be sick. :(

So last week I said I wasn’t feeling well. That turned into a massive understatement. One of my glands in my neck got infected, causing me serious pain. It then aggravated the gland on the other side, and caused it to swell up…causing me even more pain. I got to the point that I couldn’t swallow even water without pain tears. It was bad. I had to take Monday and Tuesday off of work b/c I was so ill.

Good news is that the antibiotics are now in full effect and I’m pretty much back to normal. While on the ‘too sick to eat’ diet, I lost 9.7lb in 3 days. I’ve gained back two though. I think that’s the only time I’ll ever be happy to say I’ve GAINED weight.

Last weekend elvish_kitty came over. Because I was sick I was a wet blanket. I feel bad about that. I did bake her a cake and make her a kickass curry though. (I had some last night…oh man was it good). We are going to meet up in 2 weeks to go shopping for all the things I need for Finland.

4 Weeks until I go btw. I’m rather excited. I have a few of the immigration documents done and a few that require a little more effort. For example, I need to put every place I’ve worked in the past 5 years and the MONTHLY salary. Monthly. Seriously. WTF? I also have to say how much I’ve made in the last year, from the month before we put in the documentation. So I can’t even use my taxes. Although they ask for my tax info as well. Just, gah. Other than that foolishness and I still have to do the ‘yes we are a couple’ forms. They ask things like ‘were any gifts exchanged between you two?’ and ‘list trips that you’ve taken together’ and the like. Rather annoying.

Work is, well...it is.

( Work rant! )

Let me just sum it up for everyone. I hate my job now. No matter what I do, no matter how I try it’s not good enough for THE manager any more. I do good work, and I work hard. She keeps throwing that I don’t have as much experience as her, but I at least know how to treat my people. Now my team feels repressed, and they are going to have to work insane over time next week to finish something that should have been given 2 weeks to do.

To be honest, the only reason I didn’t throw my two weeks in THE manager’s face on Friday is b/c I need this job to be a sponsor for Ari. Which is a shame really, as there are a lot of good jobs out in Waterloo right now.

And on that note. I have an apartment to clean. *sigh*

Real post tomorrow I think.

I just got off the phone with the records office. I won.

The search was done from 1999 to 2009, with my orignal payment of $30. It will be here by the end of next week.

You have no idea how happy this makes me!!!!

So, of the three battles I faced last week, I’m down to two. I’m currently on hold right now for one of them.

Battle #1: Chiropractor

When I canceled the chiropractor, he dropped the bomb on me that since I’m not completing his ‘plan’ I now have to pay the full amount for his treatment. So, had I stayed on ‘the plan’ I would had to pay another $500, but b/c I’m canceling just over half way through I now owe $435. WTF? I told him I couldn’t afford the $500, so he’s decided to charge me only $65 less?

I’ve been in talks with the accountant there. She’s going to get him to call me when he has some time, and I’m going to give him the ultimatum that he takes $200 and we call it even, or he enters my payment queue. I currently owe hydro, the dentist, and the government. My payment play is $50/month. He might see money by the end of the year….maybe.

We shall see what he says to that.

Battle #2: The Government

I’m currently on hold right now. They have received my fax about how they are idiots and they are now looking into it. *joy* The inquiry has been put in and I should have an answer by Wednesday. (Just got off the phone). I still don’t know what the supervisor I spoke to did, if anything.

This current rep has put another flag of urgency on the application saying I need it asap. My goodness.

Battle #3: Glasses

I won this one. After suggesting that if I have to pay to have it fixed that I would be taking my business elsewhere (as well as all the references I’ve given), all of a sudden they could help me. What’s more, not 3 hours later they had my new lenses ready. Nice.

I just had to live without my glasses for two days while they fit the lenses to my frames. That was less than nice actually. But it’s all over now, and I can see once again.

So, that’s about it. We shall see how battles 1 and 2 progress.

- Dishes done
- Living room tidied
- Kitchen cleaned
- Hostel booked

Now, it's time to get ready to go back home. I'm only about an hour late...but what can you do *shrugs*

PS ~ elvish_kitty...I'm kidnapping you today.

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings..

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob ,
the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone..

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree..

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy..

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!


Congratulations! !! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE